Autism's Quiet Heroes: The Siblings

By Melissa Collins-Porter

For this year’s autism awareness month, I’d like to honor and celebrate the siblings. They love their brothers or sisters fiercely, yet quietly endure being dragged to therapists’ offices and doctor appointments, become basically ABA-certified by the time they’re 12, and get used to only Mom or Dad coming to their events because one has to stay with their sibling. They often are forced to concentrate on homework amidst what reasonable people would call total chaos. From a young age, they have an awareness that at some point, they will likely become caregivers to their sibling. They may feel guilt about the fullness of their own lives (friends, sports, activities, travel, independence, college) in contrast to that of their sibling. They may feel pressure to be “the quiet one,” “the good one,” “the easy one.” They have become used to cancelled plans, destroyed or lost personal items, and giving up their own preferences to appease their brother or sister. They tirelessly stand up for their siblings when people ask questions, stare, or use “autistic” as a pejorative at school. Underestimate them at your peril, because they grow up to be extraordinary adults and you want them on your side. This one right here is my hero.

The writer is a filmmaker who lives in Southern California.