A break in routine breaks my autistic son

A prose poem about structure, predictability, and the blessings of school, by a single dad of a son with severe autism

By Jason McCarver 

My son is 12, severely autistic, epileptic, ADHD, with learning disabilities. 
He’s attended school since he was 3 years old, started with a Headstart preschool
A week after his 3rd birthday. In all those years he’s missed school maybe 5 
Times due to being sick. The only other time he misses school are holidays.

Routine for my son is extremely important, it keeps him calm. Without routine 
My son regresses to almost a toddler and starts having meltdowns involving 
Self harm. He punches, scratches, smacks himself. Screams and hollers at the 
Top of his voice, which lasts for hours and hours sometimes.

The routine of school is very important for my son, without it, it’s almost impossible 
To get him to remain calm and focus on other things. Every time there’s a holiday,
I have to prep him for it, starting a month ahead of time. Even with extreme prepping 
Daily reminders etc, he still freaks out when the holiday arrives and school is closed.

Preparing him for any type of change in his routine is pointless, once his routine is set in place 
He expects it to happen no matter what. There’s no bargaining or really any skill that helps.
I basically have to detox him from the routine, if it’s only for a day, I just ride out the meltdowns.
If it’s for an extended period of time, I have to detox him from everything associated with the routine, and establish a new one. 
It sounds extreme I know, but it’s absolutely necessary in order for him to function.

This leads to confusion and conflict, and after he’s finally settled into a new routine, it has to end
And the old one starts back up, and hell no it’s not an easy transition back. 
The transition back usually consists of meltdowns involving self-harm. It’s truly an never-ending cycle of hell my son goes through.
It’s also the main reason I tell whoever is working with my son, only introduce things to him you’re prepared to do pretty much daily. Once he gets attached, it becomes part of his routine and nothing is going to make him break his routine without resistance.

Our daily home life is also built on routine, very structured doing the same thing every damn day 
All the damn time. 
The older my son gets, the bigger he gets, the stronger he gets, and the worse his meltdowns get.
His school is very much aware of his his meltdowns and how bad they get.
His whole entire school day is built around his needs, his routine is structured so he can easily do it everyday.
Only if school was open 365 all year long, that would be like heaven.

Jason McCarver battles nonsense in the Twitterverse with nuggets of personal wisdom. Follow him on Twitter @jayhood73.