I thought teenagers wanted to sleep? Sleep deprivation never ends with autism

“Being sleep-deprived lowers the immune system and takes a toll on the body physically and emotionally.  I never feel fully rested and have no idea what being fully rested would feel like.”

In Search of … Sleep: Fifth in a series on sleep problems common in severe autism

By Nicole Adams 

Sleep deprivation was supposed to be during the infant and toddler years, right? Or that’s what I thought, but here we are with my 14-year-old son Conner, and we are still dealing with sleep issues. 

In our home sleep deprivation co-exists with aggression and agitation. This isn’t the way anyone wants to spend their time at 2:00 a.m. or honestly any time of the day. My son will yell outside of my daughter’s bedroom or bang on her door. He is not doing this to spend time with her. No, he does this because he is dysregulated which leads to negative behaviors, and we need to immediately intervene or we’ll have two kids awake and miserable.  

There are other occasions when Conner wants to play a game in the middle of the night. During these moments, I am barely functioning and yet he is operating at full speed! My husband is a Fire Fighter/Paramedic and works 24-hour shifts which means there are many nights I am tackling these issues alone; however, when he is home, we take turns.

Sleep deprivation looks unique for each person, but for me, it looks like a mom who is so tired at the end of the day but stays up late (after doing some chores) to have some “downtime.” 

It’s sitting on the couch to watch a new popular show only to fall asleep 5 minutes later.  

It’s barely keeping my eyes open while washing the dishes after the kids go to bed. 

It’s laying on the couch when it’s 2:00 a.m. and trying to rest while my son is awake FOR THE DAY!

Being sleep-deprived lowers the immune system and takes a toll on the body physically and emotionally.  I never feel fully rested and have no idea what being fully rested would feel like.  Being sleep-deprived also creates bad moods and conflict between my spouse and me. 

I never imagined I would have a child entering the teen years that has trouble sleeping.  I always thought those days would be over as he aged, but here we are, still dealing with sleep issues at fourteen years old. 

I feel like a detective who is trying to solve this puzzle - the puzzle of why my son doesn’t want to sleep. 

Is it puberty?

Is it hunger?

Is it a newly learned behavior?

Is this an undiagnosed sleep disorder?

Is this anxiety?

And the most important question is, when will this behavior end? Or if it doesn’t end, how long can I continue to live this way?  

Nicole Adams is a wife and mother of 2 amazing children.  Her son Conner is 14 and daughter Natalie is 9.  Conner has Autism, Anxiety, ADHD and Sensory Processing Disorder. Nicole works full-time at a local hospital in a non-clinical role performing chart review and data entry, and  believes it is important to spread awareness about autism. In 2019, she partnered with a police detective for a presentation regarding how police should interact during an emergency call to an individual with autism. 

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